I feel like I woke up today, and have lost the past 2 1/2 weeks. I've been on an emotional roller coaster, and while I feel like I've turned a corner, I'm still wondering if there's another drop ahead. I have vertigo caused by stress. I also am pig headed, so I was dizzy for 3 months before I dragged myself to the doctor. Of course he wanted to prescribe some heavy meds, but I decided to try breathing instead. (And Dramamine for when it was too bad.) It seems to have worked, as I don't feel like puking every 10 minutes anymore. (And if that's what pregnancy is like, you can keep it.) But, because of the dizziness, I started pulling away from my local loved ones. (It's easier to be friendly with people who live out of town.) And it's been hard to come back. Mainly, because they're a totally different variety of crazy from my own family. At least with my family we're polite.
I married into a family that really loves to tease each other. Well, they call it teasing, I call it awful. My father's family likes to 'tease' as well, and normally I can take it, but recently my skin has become thin. I don't want to hear fat jokes, or jokes about my short comings as a wife. I don't want to listen to my niece tell me it's my fault she didn't have perfect attendance last year (because of my wedding). I don't want my sister in law to throw her snot rags at me. Most of all, I want my cousin in law to SHUT UP with the sex jokes/comments/general smut. Just because you're a sex maniac, doesn't mean I want to hear about it.
So, what do I do to keep away from this? I hide from the entire world. Because if I'm just totally depressed and crazy, then I don't have to admit that my problem is them. They love me, and I love them, but my in laws drive me up the fucking wall. I'm the White Devil to grandma because I don't go to church, and I'm an old fuddy-duddy because I like needlework and don't drink to my sister in laws. I actually hear from these people "you used to be pretty." WTF? I want to spend time with my husband, but I often stay home because I know he'll end up with them, and I just can't take it.
So what does this mean? This means that there are some people that I have let down. I have hidden from everything, like a ostrich. I'm a jerk, and there's nothing else to be said. Hopefully you will forgive me, once I've rectified the situation.
Some days I really do wish I still lived with my parents. They never ever call me fat.
All that said, I must mention that my in-laws really are nice people. They're just nothing like anything I've ever met. They have no off button, no sense of formality within their family. And they're totally happy that way, it's just a serious adjustment. Plus, they were a lot more formal with me before I married my husband. It's as if I said "I do," and they heard "Give me more crazy." They aren't Jerry Springer crazy, and they literally would give me the shirt off of their backs. They're just going to make boob jokes while they're doing it.
Sending a big virtual hug your way. I think you could use one.
ReplyDeleteOh so sorry that you are feeling this way. It's hard when its family. Hope things calm down for you.
ReplyDelete(((((Big Hugs)))))!!!
ReplyDeleteHave you told them how you felt about everything? Does your husband know how you feel?
If it were me, I would not put up with that type of situation. Joking or not, you should not be forced to put up with a situation like that!
For me, talking things out with my family/in-laws seemed to do the trick. Maybe they don't realize that what they are doing/saying effects you in this way. Your health should NOT be turned inside out like this!
And just know that you are not alone, I don't go to church and I LOVE to cross stitch. I guess that makes me a White Devil and an old fuddy duddy too! So, consider yourself in great company!
They just don't know the lovely person that they are missing!
I learned a long time ago not to make excuses for other people's bad behavior. Its harder when it comes to family. If it is making you depressed and ill, it is definately not a good thing. I have recently been going through a similar situation with my family. Discussion hasn't helped me. Not even speaking from the heart does. Lifelong patterns are harder to broach than new ones.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your in-laws. Since it is a new realtionship (now that you are married) perhaps you will be able to address it calmly, without anger, when you are ready.
You can pick your friends, but not your family. I recommend going out with a good friend and venting.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon!
Claudia, I had a similar situation with my husbands family, all I said to my husband was this is distroying are relationship with your family, I donot like failure and things changed, I also tols them I was offended by the things they were saying to me.
ReplyDeleteI am creative and they are not, I keep a clean house and they donot, enough said i just love my Pinkeep from you, you are a wonderful stitcher with great color sense.
catherine