I feel like I woke up today, and have lost the past 2 1/2 weeks. I've been on an emotional roller coaster, and while I feel like I've turned a corner, I'm still wondering if there's another drop ahead. I have vertigo caused by stress. I also am pig headed, so I was dizzy for 3 months before I dragged myself to the doctor. Of course he wanted to prescribe some heavy meds, but I decided to try breathing instead. (And Dramamine for when it was too bad.) It seems to have worked, as I don't feel like puking every 10 minutes anymore. (And if that's what pregnancy is like, you can keep it.) But, because of the dizziness, I started pulling away from my local loved ones. (It's easier to be friendly with people who live out of town.) And it's been hard to come back. Mainly, because they're a totally different variety of crazy from my own family. At least with my family we're polite.
I married into a family that really loves to tease each other. Well, they call it teasing, I call it awful. My father's family likes to 'tease' as well, and normally I can take it, but recently my skin has become thin. I don't want to hear fat jokes, or jokes about my short comings as a wife. I don't want to listen to my niece tell me it's my fault she didn't have perfect attendance last year (because of my wedding). I don't want my sister in law to throw her snot rags at me. Most of all, I want my cousin in law to SHUT UP with the sex jokes/comments/general smut. Just because you're a sex maniac, doesn't mean I want to hear about it.
So, what do I do to keep away from this? I hide from the entire world. Because if I'm just totally depressed and crazy, then I don't have to admit that my problem is them. They love me, and I love them, but my in laws drive me up the fucking wall. I'm the White Devil to grandma because I don't go to church, and I'm an old fuddy-duddy because I like needlework and don't drink to my sister in laws. I actually hear from these people "you used to be pretty." WTF? I want to spend time with my husband, but I often stay home because I know he'll end up with them, and I just can't take it.
So what does this mean? This means that there are some people that I have let down. I have hidden from everything, like a ostrich. I'm a jerk, and there's nothing else to be said. Hopefully you will forgive me, once I've rectified the situation.
Some days I really do wish I still lived with my parents. They never ever call me fat.
All that said, I must mention that my in-laws really are nice people. They're just nothing like anything I've ever met. They have no off button, no sense of formality within their family. And they're totally happy that way, it's just a serious adjustment. Plus, they were a lot more formal with me before I married my husband. It's as if I said "I do," and they heard "Give me more crazy." They aren't Jerry Springer crazy, and they literally would give me the shirt off of their backs. They're just going to make boob jokes while they're doing it.