My Own Paradise

This is where I wish I was right now. This is the pond on my mother's farm. It's the farm where she and her brothers grew up, and where I tried really hard not to be a city girl. It's in the Piedmont region of North Carolina, in a tiny town where people know who I am, even though I've never lived there. It's a place where people remember my grandparents. A place where the air feels like air to me, not dusty and dry, but not soupy either. It's hot as sin in the summer, and just as sticky, but it makes me feel alive. It's the one place on earth that I don't mind hanging out outdoors. My mother has offered to let me live there with my husband if we would act as caretakers to the land. I can't even bring myself to tell my husband this. He cannot (will not) leave his family, who are all here in Texas. I love him more than this little piece of heaven, so I will stay here with him. But somedays, I miss it enough that I think my heart is bleeding. Today is one of those days. I miss it so much I feel like I can't catch my breath.